*warning: sad post*
Ugh, I hate doing this. I hate subjecting myself to writing sad things, when all I want is to make someone happy.
That's all I want. But, it's so hard sometimes. It really catches up to me, and I find myself so confused and alone and withdrawing within myself. Which, doesn't help anyone.
Tonight, I failed. I failed myself. I gave in and let it win me over. I hurt the one I love; even though there is no one to blame but myself.
I was told to "think of myself for once in my life." I was told to fight for what I wanted even though it goes against what I have always been. Fragile. Sensitive. Always self-giving.
I just need help.
Don't we all, I suppose?
I feel so selfish when I ask for help. Especially when some people aren't sympathetic towards me. How can it be helped, though, when they obviously don't understand? I can't blame them for it.
I had to get this out. I had to be able to publish this just for the sake of going back and (hopefully laughing at myself?) understanding what I was thinking this night. This moment.
I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do.
I don't want to be that girl. The one who brings the ones she love down with her selfish depression. But, I also don't want to have to rely on anything but my own motives.
Things to do:
Start going on walks. It's a way to work out, and a way to get away from my problems. endorphins =happy?
Stand up for what I want. *Gulp*
Try to understand, and to help people more understand me.
Try to...not be so sensitive.
Stay true to myself.
Pray
Pray
Pray
and hope.
A small "to do" list.
I apologize for this sadness...
but wait, should I not apologize?
I feel better after writing it...so maybe not.
Yeah.
I don't apologize :)
I think instead of *warning: sad post* it should have been *warning: bipolar post*
Don't be so strong you collapse under your own might. Talk to me whenever you like. I know you and you know me, so maybe I should say need cause you would never like to talk about it. So please just shoot me a message or text when you feel down, please? fantastic :P
ReplyDeleteHi.
ReplyDeleteYou're beautiful, okay? You are one of the most selfless people I know...don't beat yourself up.
It's okay to be sensitive. The fact that we can be emotive shows who we are. <3
thank you so much to all of you.
ReplyDeleteJordan, you've always been there for me. One of the few people in my real life who I can trust. Thanks for that.
McKayla, you are simply one of the sweetest girls I know. Thank you so much, little sister <3 I love you.
and Erin...you always have these certain things you say that help me see things in a new light. That's probably one of the many reasons why I love you so much :) This blog post had to do with many things...bleh I just wish I had you right around the corner! I could just come over to your house and tell you EVERYTHING. You would understand...I know you would :) Thank you for being there, even when you are going through worse <3 It means more to me than you know. YOU mean more to me than you know <3 I hope that I am there for you as much as you are there for me...