So I Watched This Movie...

...that changed my life.

It was beautiful

It was depressing

It was unbelievable

It was unrealistic

It was so realistic

It was kind

It was lovely 

It was amazing.

...and I will never be the same.

I came home yesterday and was greeted by my favorite person in this world. I literally ran and jumped into his arms and my family started laughing at me. Him and I could do nothing but stare at each other all night. I wanted to soak him in completely. Who knew that just a week away would make me feel so empty. I feel so empty without him.

He kept telling me that I was his last night. "Danielle, you are all mine and I won't share you with anyone!" Tears filled my eyes because I felt the sparks of new love even after three years.

To get that feeling...even after so long. That is true love, right? I like to think so.

I am sorry to be sappy and gross and silly and weird, but that is me I suppose. 

He picked out this movie. Said I would like it because it looked like it would be tear-jerking. He did not think that he would by crying by the end of it as well.

It is called Seven Pounds. It is confusing...I had to pay so much attention, but that was the fun part. A movie with so much meaning.

I love movies like that. If you haven't seen it, WATCH IT! Watch it with someone you love dearly. A parent, a best friend, a lover.

It is so beautiful.

It gives me hope for this world.

And Will Smith is in it, and I think that he is easily one of my favorite actors of all time.

I am back, my blog. I will be posting a lot to keep up with my frantic life.

And, I mean it.

Watch it.

Words from the Saddened

Sadness

Something so common in this world. I have been feeling so alone lately. Even those closest to me have hurt me so much...who can I trust? Who can I turn to?

There is only one.
He is my hero and one true friend and father.
and I love Him.

I have been thinking a lot lately. Probably too much, to be in fact.
I pray for others, I pray for strength, I pray for knowledge to do the right thing.
Living life here on Earth is hard.
Sometimes....I just wish that God could float me away to heaven....I wish that so badly.

But, then my conscious reminds me that I have so much still here for me. I would be leaving too much behind...too many people questioning why I left so early.

Sadness

A word and a feeling very difficult to overcome.
I meet new people every day, and sometimes I can just feel the sadness seep off of them.
I want to help them all.
But, where would I start?!
The world is very cruel.

So I turn them to God. Or, I try to. Because only He will truly know what to do about this horrible word/feeling. Only He has the answers we so desperately wish for.

Anyway, end of sadness rant/depressing blog post.

<3
Pour Me Out

My Obsession

I have an obsession with how people think. What goes on in the mind of a drug addict? What is a person thinking about while they are cheating on their spouse? Why do people turn to selling their bodies when times get rough? 

What is it like to have a real human being growing inside of your womb?

What is the biggest worry of a millionaire? 

Why do we make bad choices?

Why do we make good choices?

If I wasn't so set in photography, I know that I would find myself following the path to become a psychologist. I am a people-watcher. I like to sit in a cafe while drinking coffee, indie music softly playing in my ears, while I sit and sketch the people around me. None of my sketches are very good, but they make me feel something. Something much bigger than myself.


I recently bought a CD from a band that means a lot to me. I used to be in a rock band...I watched the party life go on all around me. I was not tempted to partake, but I constantly watched, listened, and analyzed everything that went on. Often with a puzzled look on my - what they liked to call - "innocent" face. Maybe it's better to be innocent though. I would like to think so. 

Nikki Sixx is the lead singer in the band Sixx AM. I read his first book, "The Heroine Diaries," which was an autobiography of the life of a rock star. The things that I read broke my heart, and even sometimes made me feel sick. How could someone do so much harm to their body and still live? How could someone find happiness in a life they themselves describe as "empty"...? 

These are the thoughts spinning through my head on this summer evening. I sit and listen to my new Sixx AM CD, and try to learn more about regret. Maybe I can learn the easy way from people who were not so lucky...

Maybe I Can Understand

Beautiful lyrics. Beautiful rock melodies (no, not metal). If you are like me - and have an obsession with learning how people think - then maybe you would like to explore something that is just a little out of your comfort zone too.

Skin by Sixx AM

(This is not my video. I do not take credit for it.)

You Are Not Your Skin

Who I Am

I'm trying so hard to figure this out

My potential, my being, my life.

It's so hard to put it all into words...

Stand in front of the camera, raw and as you are.

I grabbed a sweatshirt to hide my face. I can't help but have secrets hidden deep inside. How can I show you all of me when I'm scared to figure myself out completely? 

Maybe someday it will become clear to me. Maybe someday I can stand in front of my camera with no fear; and be like all those other girls...the ones with confidence and flair. 

Maybe someday the whole world might understand females a little better.

Maybe someday humanity will understand itself.

Maybe someday

Maybe

Until then, I sign off as a confused little girl

Understanding a little more every day.

We aren't meant to have the answers.

He is,

and we will know in time. 

For you.

For Erin.

For me?

Thank You.

Is Love Enough?

If I told you that I love you.

If I meant it true and true.

If I told you that you meant the world

If I screamed that all I wanted

Out of this cruel world

Was a place by your side

Always and forever

If I made a mistake

If I told a lie

If I hurt you deep

If I wanted to say goodbye...

Is Love Enough?

Tell me, is it?

Is it worth all the pain and suffering?

Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all?

These questions are asked in a time of sorrow. In a time of fighting non-stop between lovers. In a time of passion, of fury, of love.

A time to cry

A time to scream

A time to let go..........

These are the cluttered thoughts running through my brain.

I love love. 

I hate love.

Love heals.

Love burns.

Is it worth it? 

You tell me. My answer is in my heart.

It is in my thoughts.

It is in my actions.

It is in my veins. 

I won't let you go.

This is Me

Artistic

Messy

Happy

Worrisome

In love with love

Sometimes lonely

Sometimes sad

Sometimes desperate to help others

Awkward? Oh yes.

Outgoing? Only when I need to be.

Lonely? Of course; our world is overwhelming.

God is so much a part of my life that I couldn't keep him out if I tried. He helps me so much every day. Without him I would surely be dead by now. He has a plan for me, though. Of that I am sure. I love Him.

I'm in love with music. In fact, I'm listening to it right now. Evanescence.
I dress like a hippie. I love yanking my shirts down to expose one or both of my shoulders. I'm in love with shoulders. They're my favorite. I love wearing baggy clothes; comfort is first. 

I love meeting new people. I love finding new friends. Our lives are too short to keep to ourselves.

Photography is my small space in this world. It is what distinguishes me from others. It is my zen.

I love you. I want to help you. Is that weird? Maybe. I have a love for people. Portrait photography is my favorite.

People inspire me. 

You inspire me.

I want to inspire you.

I stay up late to create silly blog posts for my web diary. 

I like to share secrets; it makes me feel closer to you...and to me. 

I am a "social network junkie."

I am in love. So in love. <3

I think too much. I am an over-analyzer.

That is me in a nutshell. A silly little girl trying to make it in the world. Trying to do my best to help others; to help you. Desperate for your love. 

Lately

I've been feeling so emotional lately, and it's strange. 

My dear pen pal (who I feel closer to than a lot of my friends here in Kansas) is going through such tough times, and it is almost like I can feel her pain...it makes me cling to the things I love closer, because I'm so scared to lose them. 

Two people have drowned in the lake near my home within a week's time. I did not know them, but I started to cry yesterday because people were making jokes about it on their status. Things like "Ew, people should stop dying in the lake...i swim in that!" Such immature and horrible words to proclaim death...It broke my heart.

My best friend on this entire planet is going through some tough times himself as well...He is having such a hard time balancing all the people in his life. He moved back home for the summer, and I was so excited because he is less than a block away from me now (our families are practically neighbors) but now I feel selfish...I feel like it is my fault that he is having problems with his family; because I pleaded so much for him to move back home for his second semester at college. I love him so much; so much that I would let him go if I had to.

I am so lucky in life. I have such great friends who have participated in my recent photo contest :) So many willing to come out in their crazy costumes and help out that silly little cause named Danielle. Such thankfulness.

See what I mean about the emotion? 

Emotion is love. Love is emotion.

Another abandonment photo would be appropriate, I think. I hope to create a book filled with abandoned things. A book of hope for our human race.